my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
