Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
