guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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