Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
