New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
