I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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