I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
