allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
