4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
