Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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