The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
