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I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
