my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
