I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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