you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
