She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You took a bar mat shot.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
