Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
