Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
