There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she pinky promised me she was 18
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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