i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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