I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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