Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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