I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
