Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
