True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
