SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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