at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
