im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
