With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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