Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
