yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
