I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
