i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
