He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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