shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
