could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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