Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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