I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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