We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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