Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I smell stomach acid.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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