I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
