mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
