I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
