sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
