but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
