I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
