don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
tell your sister to shave her snatch
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
