Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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