Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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