Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She needs sedatives and a leash
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
