I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
